LonelinessThe Lord God said, “it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was his name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man, and he brought her to the man. The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh,
she shall be called woman,
for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2 v 18-25
Even prior to sin being in the world it was not good for man, in his natural, perfectly created state, to be alone. So God provided him with the perfect companion. She was not someone who was simply his helper, or someone simply to have fun with, or someone simply to procreate with. The essence of the gift of Eve was to be Adam’s life companion.
So why has loneliness become such a big thing today? It is almost certain that each one of us can testify to feeling lonely at some period of time. One in a hundred people make a suicide attempt in the UK each year, many of which have been caused from the deep need for someone, the essential need for a companion.
It is this need for a life companion that is the cause of loneliness. It is clear in the creation account that the married state is the natural state for man so there is no wonder that people have a desire for companionship.
Therefore to end the feelings of loneliness it seems that you must be with a spouse, in the way God intended his creation to be. Of course we must remember that just because we are married it doesn’t mean to say loneliness will disappear. Loneliness will remain just as long as we are sinners and fail to seek after our spouse in the proper way.
In society marriage is much devalued. Some people feel it is unnecessary, while many others feel it is something you do when you’ve finished your entire education, are settled in a career, have good prospects, etc…at which time it might be fun to share that with someone. With attitudes such as these, even in the church, it is no wonder that feelings of loneliness are rife.
Even more so, the media portrays images of people being perfectly happy as long as they have many stable friends around; life is great if you’re part of a group of people with similar interests and attitudes. If you don’t have this you often feel inadequate, empty and desperately lonely. You don’t fit into the stereotype of who you should be. If you’re not seen with somebody you are the outcast. Nobody would ever tell you that you are perfectly normal if you do feel lonely and that there is nothing wrong with it.
Ideally God created one man and one woman to be together to quell the feelings of loneliness. The bible also tells us that there are those who are called to be single (Matt 19v12). So do these people feel lonely forever? If you are called to be single then we are given the promise that we will find all we require in God. You do not concern yourself with this human companionship because you are fully satisfied in the Lord’s work.
A lot has been said about the need for one companion to stop feeling lonely. However this is not the only cause of loneliness. It will also develop if you are separated from your Lord. You may be a Christian but perhaps you feel far from him and as a result lonely. If this is true we do not need to fear for we can always be rest assured in the truth that he will always open his arms to us and will provide us with all he believes we need. If you are not a Christian then turn to God now.
What can you do then if you are lonely and you feel you need human companionship? The first thing to do would be to turn to God. Jesus is your closest friend, he will listen, he will understand and more than that, he has the ability to provide. Take care in your prayers not to get angry and frustrated at him for not providing. He does hear your prayers and will give good things to you (Matthew 7v9-11). Perhaps he is using this trial of loneliness to bring you closer to him. So submit to him, ask him to show you why he may not be providing, and continue praying! (Philippians 4v6)
The dangerous thing to do is to look to others, family and friends, to provide what you need. You may have fun, which of course is good; it may be good to talk to someone. Friends and family can be surrogate companions especially when you are growing up but as you mature and pull away (as you should!) you will develop an element of loneliness inside and you may get disheartened when it doesn’t go away. You may then develop unhealthy relationships with other people as you try to make them fulfil what they were not designed to do.
Don’t ever feel inadequate if you are feeling lonely, recognise it as the way that God has created you to be and praise him for that so you can turn to him in a fuller and deeper way. Don’t be dissuaded by the media and by a society that says you are an outcast if you are alone.
If you feel that at this time you are supposed to be single then use that great opportunity and flexibility to do all you can for the Lord’s work!
Another topic that needs addressing is that of sex. Sex is the full fulfilment of companionship as you become one with the other person. As such sexual feelings will inherently be tied to loneliness. We always need to be sure that we conduct ourselves with holiness (1 Cor 6v18), not be dissuaded by popular opinion and the media and remember that God gave one solution to “burning with passion” and that is to get married (1 Cor 7v9). He doesn’t allow us to satisfy our feelings by having sexual contact with whomever we like, including ourselves!
When considering these aspects of why mankind is lonely do not get the impression that you mustn’t mix with other people. It is important to have fellowship with God’s people. We need this for our encouragement and for mutual help that we may grow in his name. The danger will come when we don’t establish a correct balance and instead we will look for other means than the ones God has provided to deal with our loneliness.
If you are really suffering from loneliness then speak to someone in your church that can help you and reassure you. They will be able to pray with you and guide you.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2 Return to Home Page |
